Overcoming Fear

Fear.

What are YOU afraid of? Why?

One of my favorite coaching questions is “If you weren’t afraid, WHO could you be?” 

I spent most of my life afraid:

• Afraid of failing. 

• Afraid of falling. 

• Afraid of appearing weak. 

• Afraid of vulnerability. 

• Afraid of dying. 

• Afraid of getting sick. 

• Afraid of being alone. 

• Afraid of taking risks. 

• Afraid of feeling.

I don’t recall the exact moment that the switch flipped for me, but I do remember the first time I noticed that it did. I was getting ready to fly to Las Vegas for a business conference several years ago and when I would have normally felt very nervous to fly, I felt very peaceful and relaxed. “What happened to me?” I wondered. I recognized the shift instantly, and during the several hours flight, I reconciled what it was in that moment (it changes by the day). I had a good relationship with my kids and my husband; they knew I loved them with all my heart. My kids were a bit older at that point and I knew if anything happened to me, they would be a-okay! After all, I worked tirelessly to give them all the tools they needed for their toolbox – the rest was up to them, and I had faith that they would step up and make me proud of the men they were evolving into. I unconsciously released the control I always tried to maintain and just existed in the moment – completely free from the “bad thoughts” that I usually allowed to creep into my head. This sense of peacefulness and liberty was so foreign to me! Why did it take so long for me to get there?

You can ask my parents…I was the consummate worry wart (their term for me, by the way) as a child. Oh my, the nights I would creep into their bedroom and gently wake one of them to simply whisper, “I’m having bad thoughts again.” In their stupor, they would either tell me, “You don’t have anything to worry about, Amy…go back to bed” or “Grab a blanket and go to sleep on the floor next to our bed.” You might be wondering what I was having “bad thoughts about”. Easy to recall…death! I was not afraid of dying then (that came later), but I was afraid of everyone I loved dying and being left alone. Where did that come from? I’m sure it was some of the television shows I watched and my VERY vivid imagination. Nevertheless, it was very real to me, and it limited my ability to just live and love in the moment. The list is long of the things I worried about throughout my childhood and adolescence. As I grew older, I began to worry about different things, no less intensely. That was not serving me positively in any way.

What scares you? Why? Are you afraid because you’ve left something undone, unsaid, unaccomplished in your life? Why wait to fix it? Take just one fear you have and analyze it, while asking yourself if it makes sense to spend energy on it. If you don’t have control over it, release it. If you do, fix it! Have the conversation with the person whom you’ve been avoiding. Execute on the goal(s) to fill in blank: finish your degree, change jobs, get a certification; start exercising CONSISTENTLY; demonstrate some vulnerability; ask for the promotion you deserve; leave the relationship that isn’t serving you well; be your authentic self, ASK FOR HELP, etc. Take it from someone who knows, it isn’t easy - but oh my - it’s so worth it! Life is so much more fulfilling when you lift that load off your shoulders.

Think about a person who has demonstrated courage and confidence to do something that is challenging and seemingly impossible to accomplish or to be successful. I have three of them!

• My son, Anthony, graduated from high school and enlisted in the Navy. He pursued the Navy SEALs program and did very well but did not make it through. He persevered. He worked odd jobs for a bit, then enlisted in the Marines which is what he is doing today. He travels the world and is ready to fight for his country when called upon.

• My son, AJ, applied to the United States Air Force Academy his senior year of high school and was not appointed right away. He received the “Falcon Scholarship” which is an honor but is not a guarantee that if he accepted the opportunity to attend an AF Academy prep school that he would receive the appointment. He would have to go through the entire nomination process again, physical fitness tests, etc. NO GUARANTEE and a risk that he “lost a year” that he could have been attending Virginia Tech. He wanted it badly enough that he was willing to take the risk and ultimately, he received his appointment and is currently in his senior year at the Academy.

• My youngest son, Tyler, decided to graduate from high school early with the goal of leaving for California to pursue his dream of becoming an actor. Despite COVID interrupting his plans ever so slightly, I watched “my baby” pull out of the driveway at 5:30 a.m. on June 1, 2020 to begin his long drive to California where I have no doubt he’ll make his dreams come true.

COURAGE. These kids demonstrated it for me repeatedly and I allowed myself to learn from them and take the leap of faith and pursue my dreams too.

Once I stopped being afraid, my level of joy increased, my health improved, and I saw things through a much clearer lens.

What fears are holding you back? Which ones can you begin to conquer TODAY?

WHO COULD YOU BE IF YOU WERE NOT AFRAID?